thefirebenderwiththedragontattoo:
remember three years ago when i was dating this girl who told me i couldn’t transition and be an actor because ‘there are no ftm actors!’
Can someone build a time machine so i can go back in time and blow raspberries in her face for 45 minutes straight instead of spending the last 3 years with crippling insecurity? that would be great
4Kids using clips from various Anime they licence/Dub to sing the American National Anthem.
JESUS CHRIST
THE LAST BIT LOOKS LIKE A SHITTY GIF IM CRYING
I bet every single one of the was just like “What the hell”
…I always hate it when some network does this…
IS THIS A THING?! I want to do this with so many people, Barack Obama, Sarah Silverman, Felicia Day, Salman Khan, Kate Beaton, and then way too many to continue to list.
Do not worry about not smiling. My face hardly ever smiles. But this does not mean I am not smiling, inside of my brain.
I was born Jewish and used to believe in God but I’ve since read many books that have proven God is just a figment of my imagination. People like to believe in God ‘cause it answers difficult questions, like where did the universe came from, do worms go to heaven and why do old ladies have blue hair. And even though I’m an atheist, I still wear my yarmulke as it keeps my brain warm.
Not much has happened since I last wrote except for my manslaughter charges, lotto win, and Ivy’s death.
Unfortunately, in America, babies are not found in cola cans. I asked my mother when I was four, and she said they came from eggs laid by rabbis. If you aren’t Jewish, they’re laid by Catholic nuns. If you’re an atheist, they’re laid by dirty, lonely prostitutes.
Butts are bad because they wash out to sea, and fish smoke them and become nicotine-dependent. This is, of course, a joke. It is impossible to light a cigarette underwater
When I was young, I invented an invisible friend called Mr Ravioli. My psychiatrist says I don’t need him anymore, so he just sits in the corner and reads.
My top-five are “ointment,” “bumblebee,” “Vladivostok,” “banana,” and “testicle.”
I have cancer of the humor gland. This deforms the cells and adds pressure, forcing the gland to become hyperactive. It makes me very funny today, but over time the humor will get cloudy and dark. In the final stages of the disease, my jokes won’t make any sense, they won’t even rank as black comedy. This blog will turn into an ongoing nonsensical angry rant with facts akin to the tics and outbursts of a mental patient.
